I crawl back to the craft like a raft in a sea
of dissidents confusion and discontent
I crawl back to the craft on all fours
after hiding under the drape of unrequited love
in all its hatefulness and heartache
its breaking point
its selling point
its need and hunger has stifled all contemplation
I missed the opportunity to mourn for Sean Bell
and cry at the inauguration
like an escape hatch
I crawl back to the craft after hiding from this small world
and turning a blind eye to history
the chance to seep in mystery and
theory of a life otherworldly
expound on wealth
not measured by any cup
weight
dollar amount or material
missed my time to soak in the ethereal
abandoned the only gift I have ever been given
today it has not been written
and I’m sorry
I crawl back to the water.
parched and unsatisfied
toxic and unclean
mean in my spirit
jaded and fading
my existence just a transparency of everything I was blessed to be
made a of mess of me
I crawl back to the craft like a raft
in a sea of complacent mediocrity
and “I’m ok with neglect”
looking for salvation
inspiration
and perfect peace
the truth
the light
and God’s word unheard
because I forgot how to listen with my whole heart
selfishly only heard with
the desires of my flesh
and my loins
and loneliness
forgot how to find beauty
in me only
and shunned my obligation to revolt through my words I
missed Katrina
Iraq
the good people of
Palestine Mexico Haiti and Korea
the children of the south Bronx
gorgeous and lost
I forgot how to cry for them
and I’m sorry
cowardly and stunned
I crawl back to the craft
like the only love I’ve
ever known
begging for mercy
understanding
reciprocity
another chance
shade my eyes from its disapproving glance
I’m embarrassed and shocked
by my selfishness
I crawl back to the fire aching
for the passion of resistance
courage to walk the road less traveled
and imitate this life
dimmed my light
and became shortsighted
bowed out of the fight
I crawl back to the craft looking for
an extended hand
to help me stand
and wade through ambiguity….